Fucked.

Aren't we all? Some find comfort in others' arms. Some find comfort in arms. Some's comfort can't keep others from leaving the farm. Tulsa is a pile. Money, like everything, is worthless if you have someone to share it with. Die Leiden der Einsamen dauert eine Ewigkeit. Die Leiden der Bloeden dauert einige Minuten. So wird es immer sein. Beschissen.

HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

I stole from a post on Tony's myspace page:

don't forget to check out The Jakes' new song on myspace!!!!!!

Frankenguitar

Univox + Red Fender Squier + sanding + stain + finish + rewiring=

Repost: In The Mood For Some Heine.

Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)

Ein Weib

Sie hatten sich beide so herzlich lieb,
Spitzbübin war sie, er war ein Dieb.
Wenn er Schelmenstreiche machte,
Sie warf sich aufs Bette und lachte.

Der Tag verging in Freud und Lust,
Des Nachts lag sie an seiner Brust.
Als man ins Gefängnis ihn brachte,
Sie stand am Fenster und lachte.

Er ließ ihr sagen: »O komm zu mir,
Ich sehne mich so sehr nach dir,
Ich rufe nach dir, ich schmachte« -
Sie schüttelt' das Haupt und lachte.

Um sechse des Morgens ward er gehenkt,
Um sieben ward er ins Grab gesenkt;
Sie aber schon um achte
Trank roten Wein und lachte.


If you question the genius or the chilling foresight of this man, look no further (than your shitty free online translation):
or for particular words

For ease of copy and paste the quote from the picture below:

"Das war ein Vorspiel nur, dort wo man Buecher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen."

Trust Your Gut

Many times in my life, 'reason' and what might be considered more 'practical' has interfered with me making a sound decision based on what i feel is may be
appropriate, given the situation. Finally, I envoked my gut from a year's past and traded in my gunt for what I knew was what I wanted. When in Rolla......

get some.

The Blind Shoemaker

I now have a site from which to project my musical BS from. Eat it......

www.myspace.com/baronvonjakenstein

Fu$$in' A!

Beaman sent me this one. Hat is off to this man.

OMG.

I seem to have an uncanny ability to choose roommates with MC Hammer dance skills. From the early days of Kreps doing the jump-over-own-leg-while-holding-the-foot dance to this awesome hilarious piece of shit. Without further a-dookie, I give you Paul doing 'The Hammer.'

Newsflash!

Real Cops have a lot of shit to deal with. I just got pulled over (on foot) by one of Rolla's finest. I knew he was gonna fuck with me before I even made it to the stop sign. I saw him drivin'. He saw me walkin' and drinkin.' It's against city ordinance to drink in public. Luckily, he was cool and I was compliant. I watched him do a u-ey, and roll up on me. The critical part of this situation is that I imagined thatI I was him. The first thing I did when I saw him do the u-ey was put down my beer and make sure that he could see my hands. This is key. If one want not be shot by the police, either don't be black, or make sure that these guys can see your hands . I remember talking to StL cops one time. Those fuckers only make like $30'g's a year to get shot at by all those boys in the hood. THAT SUCKS! Despite my experiences in suburbia, I still have a great respect for the good cops. they're out there, just expect it. and if confronted by the other half...... record it. They'd surely be too stupid to fig' it out.

Don't Make Me Warn You To Watch Your Fingers..... (inside joke)

60-75lb Chunk of Hardened Steel .... + Residual Tap Oil in a

Random Spot ... + Gravity ...... + Poorly Placed Thumb

...... = .

I've nailed my thumb with a hammer a number of times in my years, but MOTHERF#$%ER! I've been told by a reliable source that my thumbnail will fall off at some point in the near future. I am intruiged, and morbidly fascinated with the possibility that it will fall off.

In short, it's Friday night in Rolla and the Company does not exist. Rollafied.

Beer Bong!

Just A Reminder. Mozart = God.

Chadillac Owned!

HAAAAA!!!

My friend Barry from high school hooked me up with this picture. I'm pretty sure this is from the parking lot at a phish show in Memphis, summer '95. My how times have changed.



Here's another one from that summer:

WTF!!??

I am so tired of hearing about shit like this. A German Opera house's production of Mozart has been cancelled beacause of fear of offending Muslims (namely, the uneducated violent ones). When will we stop kowtowing to these assholes? Fuck 'em!

Classical Music

I am now convinced that there is no more brilliant and inarguable mode of self expression than through instrumental music. Talk, talk play, play, has never turned my head. I've always listened to the music itself. I have long supected this, on a differeent plane. any vocal interuption is surely to be interpreted as something other than intended by the writer, and is simply wasteful; regardless of how close to the origional point it actually is. (see recent pope speech quoting 14th century whoever). when something is purely musical, as mozart, Bach, ......the Mahavishnu Orchestra, or The Sayers' most recent release, there is nothing to discuss. The music is just there. It tells the story. Unlike literature, there is no dude to say that 'the way it makes you feel' "is wrong," or "right."

Down with vocals, up with the musicianship!!!!

Beet stew!

Acorns!

Herzeleid

Jake

"Nur das Herzleid und der Tod sind sicher. Deswegen, heiße ich Stacheldrahtpeitsche. Ich bin hier einfach als Verkörperung dieser Ahnung ....... damit Alle von meinen Erfahrungen lernen können."

OMFG.

Beaman sent me this one. This is fucking hilarious.

What is your money on?

Will I, or will I not make it until may? May, being of course, my month of redemptive extradition from this shitty Missouri town. I'm thinkin' 50/50. Others have their doubts.

OMFG.

I knew Jack was hiding something about his past as a male model when I saw the underwear ad (repost), but I had no idea that he had changed his name. I mean who can compete with D.H.? I'd wanna keep it on the D.L. as well. Apparently there was a wax job at some point.

"Where's Beaman?" -MLZV Chief Columnist Jake

As noted over at DGAOY, Edvard Munch's painting 'The Scream' was recently recovered from thieves. The one thing that they left out in that story was that it had been slightly modified to make it creepier. These guys were really wierd.

The Creepometer's Dust Has Been Swiffered.

For those people that know me, this ceramic piece may be familiar. Most of my friends now probably don't know much about me around the time that I made it. This was the first piece of many that I made in the time that I played with clay. I was 16 when I made this one. It was somewhat modeled after exagerations of what I saw in the mirror sometimes at that age. I finished it a couple of days before I got shipped to Montana for two months, and I finished glazing it when I got back. A few weeks ago, I took some analogs of it, and thought that it needed to be analyzed by the creepometer. When I find an appropriate picture from the time of creation, I may take the time to redo this superimposition, as it would probably work better. But for the meantime.........whatever. I never took the Jake factor to %100, as it just ruined the whole thing. So, what you have here is 0, 25, 50, and %75 Jakes. %25 percent is my personal favorite. I think that the %25 would take the creepometer to the red, but I would have to ask Tony, as he is the official creepometer official. Without further adookie:

WTF?

I recently had the pleasure/misfortune of playing Trivial Pursuit 90's Edition with 3 actors/writers in LA. I got owned. So, here: who am I? If you can't get this, let me know. I'll send you a stupidity condolence package.

Feast Thine Eyes

OMFG.

I wouldn't normally make a blog post on vacation, but I was treated this internet gem last night. I don't know if you have heard of World of Warcraft, but gamers can dork out on this motherfucker and talk to eachother while they play, as you will see in the video. Most of them take this game way too seriously. Leeroy's clown-hand is very strong. Get a towel.

For Those Who See No Real Meaning....

And on the eighth day, god created Pistachios, John Barleycorn, the current environment of Walmart-übercapitalism, supreme satiation of, and the concurrent suppression of all that makes a man a man; i.e. the domesticated. And by domesticated, I mean emasculated. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were God that gave us Marx's 'Social Darwinism?' A contrived environment in which the most servile, unrighteous, undeserving asshats obtain the power. Oh, wait....Schon passiert. But of course, that is in and of itself contradictory (this circle just became a whirlpool). Distortion of everthing pure and meaningful is now the piper's tune. Jesus becomes pro rich and pro war; to a people that he has no ethnic or cultural realtion. There are no more good wars to fight. Only murder. Us or them. No honor in war anymore. That died in 1945. I missed my chance. There's nothing worth fighting and dying for anymore, unless it's killing embedded FOX news reporters (joke, ok, sort-of joke). I can only hope that when WWIII breaks out, I am still concious of what I believe, able, of sound mind, and well armed.
I'd break something, but I'm too tired from the shop. My grandmother was always right when she said (like other grandmas,) 'idle hands are the Devil's playground.' Moral of the story boys: keep your hands busy, even if it makes you look like rain-man, or Pee-Wee Hermann at a movie theater.

Sehnsucht ist so grausam. RE-Post

I figured I'd put this Heine up in English. It's not Heine-pure, but Heine for-sure: The translation ist interesting, but successfully conveys the point. If you want more German lierature (i.e. stark realism), get you some of Georg Büchner's "Woyczeck," or Gerhardt Hauptmann's "Bahnwärter Thiel." This is German literaure at it's best. My favorite piece is stll Theodor Storm's "Der Schimmelreiter." Without further adue....

Heinrich Heine's "Das Weib"


They both embarked on a loving spree,
She was a crook and so was he.
After the smallest prank that he committed,
She threw herself on the bed and giggled.
The days went by with joy and lust,
At night she laid upon his chest.
The very day he was imprisoned,
She stood by the window and giggled.

Please come to me, he let her hear,
I long so much for you, my dear.
I call you , I am despaired -
She shook her head and giggled.

At the sixth hour of the morning, he hung in disgrace,
At the seventh hour, he was sent to his resting place;
As the strokes of eight could be heard,
She already drank red wine and giggled.

Die Affenschlacht

Wenn ich nur einen Affen hätte. Wenn ich nur einen Affen finden könnte, mit dem ich täglich kämpfen könnte. Das wär' es.

Egal. To my friends: my prayers are with the IDF. May they be wise, prudent, just, merciful, and wipe hezbollah of the face of this green fuckin' earth.

There is only one cure for a tumor....permanent removal.

F@#$ing Awesome.

Stole this from Mongofünf's (entertaining german band, but ultimately too modern rock) myspace page. Great fucking idea. Too bad I missed this meeting. I just wish I had known, I would have made my own contribution.

True Heroes.

Whenever terrorist assholes get all riled up, You can always count on Darla and Christian to take 'em down.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Christian thinks that Brussels is in Germany!!!!!! Check it!! The Thurs, July 20th Post.

Ouwiiie?

I have coated the inside of my soul with with a generous helping of 'fuck off.' Oh yeah, Christian ist ein taubenmasturbierendes, ziegenfickendes, rattensaugendes Arschloch. Oops. Kostenlose Übersetzung? Bitte, leck mich an die Eier. Ach, du scheiβe, habe ich die Übersetzungsmöglichkeiten verwenigerten? Oh, tut mir so wirklich Leid. Leck mich am rosenroten Arsch!

Schon Besoffen.

Wie koennte man denn besser einen Sonntag feiern? Scheissdosenbier und Zigaretten, gute Musik, die Kaetzle und Pistachios. Gelangweilt, besoffen, und einsam. Heute Abend werde ich bestimmt ziehmlich frueh einschlafen. Das waere besser als mich die ganze Nacht allein im Bett bewundern, ob ich irgendwie, irgendwann Schlaf finden werde. Tut mir Leid wenn ich Fehler mache, ich bin "Drunnk in the daaytime, drunk in the daaytime!"

My Roommate Is a Total Jackass

This is an old phone message that Paul left on my machine when I basically didn't leave my apartment for a week because I was so fucking depressed. I saved it, because it's pretty funny. They make fun of me because I'm old. It's pretty funny. Whenever I say "what?" the response I often get is "dude, turn up your Beltone!" Enjoy:

Another Happening Night In Rolla

I just caught myself browsing my 1400 page calculus book that I used the other night for reference. I was looking through it, remembering how great the days of Calc III were. Somebody shoot me.

At least I'm not sitting at KUMR.

Just Another Day at 1505 Ross

This is one of the worst photoshops I've ever done, but I have to go to class so I've excused myself from any responsibility. I miss these peeps big time.

Bloggaluffaguss.

Blogging away, and came across this picture of my great-grandad's cousin or brother?(great-great uncle, grr-gruncle?) Walter Adams hanging out in LA at the Mount Wilson Observatory with Einstein and Hubble. Does the brow on that fucker in the background look familiar to anyone? I can see some similarity, but where did this guy get the motivation? Maybe if I went out there to Mount Wilson and showed them a family tree, they'd let me sweep the floors. I'm a moron.

Take Me Back to.....

Switz-er-land. Lookin' through old pics again and found this one from atop the "Crow Hill," after which I am named. Fucking gorgeous. If only they weren't being burned at the stake there for what they believed .......

The Creepometer is Being Heavily Taxed.

Recently, my roomate Paul (a.k.a. the Jesus) and I installed a pull-up bar in our stairwell. This is a good thing. Right now, every time I go down the stairs, and my hands are free, I do 5 pull-ups. Hopefully, I will keep this up. Anyways, as I have a thing for monkeys, and liken myself to one, I figured I would get a picture of myself swinging from the bar as a testament to my appreciation of my forefathers and their struggles as they left the trees of Africa and dragged their knuckles on the ground all the way north to Europe. However, what was initially supposed to be a funny picture of my ape-like self, actually turned out to be proof that I am going straight to hell, as I am apparently fully posessed by a demon. The look on my face in this picture is literally so fucking creepy, I had to tone it down with some medieval german architectural anti-demon-decoration.

yeah.

Toe-Knee, 1-10? You are the official creepometer official.

2 Blocks Is a Long Way In Rolla.

I was just sitting here, as I do so often when I decide to spend the weekend here instead of my hometown, the STL. I thought to myself; hey, its 12:45, I think I wanna beer. So, I walked up to the 66 up the street and bought myself a two-by-four. That's Rolla/(whatever else) for a 24 oz. can of beer. The funny/creepy thing is that I actually called it a 2X4 in my head. The beer itself is somewhat enjoyable, but what tickles my ass so much more is the fact that I am so 'Rollafied' (credit to Paul Monroe, the Roomie for that term). I was literally laughing the whole way home about my 2X4, and the exchange of "y'all's," etc. at the 66. I could imagine, that for the 3 people that actually read this shit, this is a boring post..... Well, Jack, Claire and Josh....... Howdy and yeeeeehaw!

This is my bloggy, and I'll.....uhhh......be trailer trash if I want to.

Oh yeah,

Paul, I know you read this shit at the station. I'm gonna go get the wookie all riled up and lock him in your room. Don't fucking wake me up when he attacks you at 6 am.

the wookie rules this, and three other universes. Ask him about it, I dare you.