Oh Sh$t! We're All F%$#ed!

Four students of Missouri's finest Mechanical Engineering program build a vehicle out of wood, duct tape and large rubber bands, and place relatively high in design competition. All we can say is: Be very weary of "economy cars" in the coming years.

once again, since most people do not have their flash player updated: direct link to video

Dude Inadvertently Achieves Cultural Assimilation!

In a stunning case of OMG, a dude (who chose to remain anonymous) neglects cutting his hair for three months, only to wake up one morning to realize that what seemed to be a normal style, actually turned out to be a feathery mini-mullet. OMG!! All he could say was : "Sara, Help me!"

Dorks Gone Wild!

Bitter geeks seek revenge on crappy electronic devices by subjecting them to obscene compressive loads. These guys are sick!!!

Jake's Old Cell Phone Finally gets what it deserves (including bonus soundtrack)!

since most people do not have their flash player updated: direct link to video



Tom's Crappy Speaker gets some

since most people do not have their flash player updated: direct link to video

Creepy Meter Strikes Again

In this Case, Creepiness seeems to be inpedendant of Jake-Factor.

Creepy-Meter

1-10? The Top-right one is my favorite. For reference, %25 Jake yields optimal creepiness.

In the Mood for Some Heine.

Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)

Ein Weib

Sie hatten sich beide so herzlich lieb,
Spitzbübin war sie, er war ein Dieb.
Wenn er Schelmenstreiche machte,
Sie warf sich aufs Bette und lachte.

Der Tag verging in Freud und Lust,
Des Nachts lag sie an seiner Brust.
Als man ins Gefängnis ihn brachte,
Sie stand am Fenster und lachte.

Er ließ ihr sagen: »O komm zu mir,
Ich sehne mich so sehr nach dir,
Ich rufe nach dir, ich schmachte« -
Sie schüttelt' das Haupt und lachte.

Um sechse des Morgens ward er gehenkt,
Um sieben ward er ins Grab gesenkt;
Sie aber schon um achte
Trank roten Wein und lachte.


If you question the genius or the chilling foresight of this man, look no further (than your shitty free online translation):
or for particular words

For ease of copy and paste the quote from the picture below:

"Das war ein Vorspiel nur, dort wo man Buecher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen."

I Want The Knife!

"I said uh I, uh I, uh - I - uh-I-uh-I-uh-I-I.... want the knife......"

"I want the knife........."

"P l e a s e........."


Can I get a "hell yeah" from someone who wasn't still shitting their pants (or even existed) in 1986?

This Just In!!!! Still Too Tired to Be Creative!!!

Well. Here I am. Heat Transfer project just got finished. I just home and was thinking to myself: hey. I have a blog. I should make a post on my blog. So here I am making a post on my blog. Instrumentation presentation is done. Heat transfer project just goit done. Materials is not done. Should I sleep? Should I try to do my homework? Should I promote The Wookie to 1st Sargeant? Does he deserve it? I know that he's gone through the portals and fought many a battle, more than he would care to tell me about, more than I could possibly comprehend. But If I promote him, would I not just be increasing the chances that he be hired as a mercenary? Could I not lose him forever?
It's my birthday today.
Here's to a 20-hour day.
Here's to 29 years.
May there be many more.

Too Tired to Be Creative

I hurt. Did presentation 8AM today. No Sleep. Got A. Here is 'funny' video from presentation.

for the plugin-deficient: direct link to video

Entire Missouri Town Deludes Itself!

In an apparent effort to curb the suicide rate, the city of Rolla, MO has launched a faux-magazine civic-pride propaganda campaign. We found this suspicious publication in our mailbox recently. When we opened the magazine, there were nothing but blank pages inside, except the publisher's name on the last page. We investigated thoroughly and concluded that these "Rolla Fun Times" did not exist. We searched for other magazines from this publisher and found only one. As part of our investigation, we visited the publisher and after some interrogation, he finally admitted that the "Rolla Fun Times" was a hoax. Unfortunately, his other publication was not.

Almost There!

This photo was just recieved off of the wire. The Jakebot is now entering the wookie-portal on his way to battle the milenium chicken and mother death-nugget that so ruthlessly attacked Jake in recent past. More to come......

"Where's Beaman?" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

Those of you that know the Jakes may know that this is one of our favorite paintings at the STL Art Museum (if it's still there. last time we went a year and a half ago it was gone) and that we have a poster of it over our bed. After this, they may have to move this sucker down the street to the zoo. Ahhhhh..... the perfect mixture of funny and creepy. Simply wonderful.

Friendship Destroyed by Dispute Over Catnip Stash!

"That punk-ass ni&&a kept pimpin' my hoes and then had the nerve to try and move in on my stash, so he had to get dealt with" said Sir Wooly Bear when speaking about his former friend The Wookie. The Wookie declined to comment on the matter, but later left a threatening voicemail message on the Jakes' cell phone to the tone of "I know where you sleep, bitch."
Just say no, folks. It isn't worth it

Thursday the 13th? Creepy.

Yesterday, the Jakes had the longest day that we can remember. We had been on campus for 11 hours already at which point, after already spending 5 hours on the univox calibration project over the course of the week (see where's beaman post below), we were told to go back and triple our amount of frequency readings. The Jakes were hungry, so after re-gathering the necessary equipment for the data aquisition, we stopped at good ol' Hardees on the way back get cheap fuel for the work awaiting us in the near future. We ordered our food, and went to sit down (yes, at Hardees, they now bring your food out to your table). As we were sitting there anxiously awaiting our low quality meal, a little boy, that could not have been more than a couple of years old, was running around the restaurant. He ran towards us until he was about 10 feet away. He abruptly stopped and looked up at us. The little boy then smiled with a big cute innocent smile that one would expect from a happy little boy. As the Jakes were stressed and angry, the smile of this little child warmed our hearts. So to return the favor, we smiled back at the little boy and waved. The little boy then immediately vomited all over the floor in front of us. True Story. Luckily, we were far enough away from the puke-fountain to not be considered collateral damage. Although disturbed by this behavior, we decided to let the little boy live.

After finishing our "meal" near a fresh puddle of baby vomit, and finally completing the data collection for the univox calibration project, we Jakes attempted to go home and do mechanics of materials homework. We worked for 2.5 hours and got half way through, at which time our brains stopped functioning. Math of any sort was no longer an option. So it was at this point that we decided to act on an earlier invitation to go out and take 'the edge' off at ol' El Maguey. We stayed for a while, mingled and chatted until 'the edge' became a chamfer, and continued to chat and mingle until the chamfer finally became a dull rounded thing of indiscernible geometry. As those of you that know the Jakes are well aware, once 'the edge' reaches this dull rounded thing, it continues to deform. And it did.

So, El Maguey turned into a person's house. This person will remain nameless to be "polite," as this person is featured in the not-so-flattering video below. (Jack and the two Joshes have both met this person and been to this house.) So, just when we Jakes thought that the circus-like events of the day could not get any more circus-like, the aforementioned resident of the aforementioned house passed out drunk in a chair. The house dog "Yoshimi," being the cunning and horny little opportunist that SHE is, saw this as a perfect opportunity to get some full-on, hard-core action. Being that we Jakes are also as fast-on-the-draw with our picture phone as we are our TI-86 graphing calculator, we managed to capture our first beasteality porn film ever! (this is not actually pornography, and is safe to view at work) We will not go into further detail on this matter, because like they say: a picture is worth a thousand words; even if those pictures and the thousands of words that they are worth, when all added up, make about as much sense as tits on a man, or the invasion of Iraq.

Needless to say, by the time we Jakes were in bed, the day had almost become a day (24 hours). We Jakes are dumber than yesterday, but we're still smarter than you, and our souls are richer for having experienced Thursday April 13th, 2006 (or 4/13/06 7:30 - 4/14/06 ~ 5:30).

We must warn you. As our friend Christian over at DGAOY would say, "There are some things that you just can't un-see."

Go Yoshimi, Go!

or for the plugin deficient: direct link to video

"Where's Beaman?" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

For the few that view.....
We Jakes would like to apologize for the lack of creativity in today's installment of "Where's Beaman," (even though the boxer-brief pic in the previous post is totally awesome) it was the best we could do on our 35 minute lunch break. Jakes are very busy this week. We Jakes would also like to apologize in advance if the posts are lacking over the rest of the week. If you are wondering what we are doing, we and our friend Mike (see photo below) will be attempting to 'calibrate' Jack's old univox using a spectrum analyzer, and then give a presentation on it. Those familiar with this guitar will find the humor in this.
On to the machine shop............

Jake Almost Buys Boxer-Briefs, Then Realizes that They Are Only Worn By Freaks!

I mean, who buys these anyways?

Actors Severely Beaten!

"He mercilessly chuck-norissed those poor actors at the park." said one witness when referring to the recent severe beatings of three of actors today at the Muny Amphitheater in forest park. The actors were performing "From Whence Thine Brook Doth Flow," a play by the obscure renaissance playwright Bartholomew Tottington. Shortly after the play began, the guitar wielding maniac ran up on stage and started to attack all three actors on stage screaming things like "You suck, now you pay!" and "I Karatony and this Guitarate!" The suspect quickly fled the scene after the beatings and has not been found. Two of the victims are in critical condition, while the third is in serious condition and continuously murmuring "Guitarate! NO! Guitarate!" Our prayers are with the victims.

OMG! This Just In!

New-ish German Pope Josef Ratzinger Actually Leader of the Dark-Side!!! That would explain the whole Beaman Thing!




MLZV Cannot take credit for these images, they were 'borrowed' from other web sites.

Apparently there is a whole group of people that think that Ratzinger looks like the dude from star wars. I hope this doesn't insult my catholic friends, but I couldn't sleep, was looking for new material, and it was as if the clouds parted and God gave me me this stuff himself. I'm gonna be laughing all the way to hell.

"Some of My Favorite Things Not to Get on You" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

These are a couple of my old-time favorites from over at "Don't Get Any On You". I just had to post 'em.

"Where's Beaman?" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

The second installment is here! See if you can find Beaman. This one is a little less challenging for my more challenged friends.

This Just In!

M.L.Z.V. associate Attack Jerry sent us this photo of a digusting ad campaign against the american people and our family values. Sofa King's moral fiber gives me the shits!
Well Attack, we know you had to read it three times before you got it because you're so FU@#$in' RETARDED!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH HAAA HAAA!
MWOOAAAA HAAA HAAA!

OK, so here's the deal.

I have already received some feedback about my new blog and its content.

Two comments that immediately come to mind are:
"You are a freak!" and
"Oh my f^%$#ing God, that is just sad."

I figure eventually more people will view this blog. People that I know and maybe someday, even people that I don't know will look at this sh@#. I assume that similar comments will be made about the content of my blog in the future, so let me make a few presumptions about what will be said:

"This guy has way too much free-time."
"Isn't he like almost thirty? What an immature jack-ass."
"What a dork."
"This guy is disturbed."
"Wow, he really needs to get laid."
"What a loser."

Now I'll admit that one, or even a couple of these statements might be true. But before you judge, keep a few things in mind:

1) I take my computer everywhere with me. Take your shovel, microphone, business card, esquire, kitchen knife or what ever it is that you use all day and replace it with a laptop computer. Yes, I've turned into that guy.

2) I'm as fast on the draw with my Adobe Photoshop version 5.0 as I am with my Ti-86 graphing calculator. It really doesn't take that long to do this stuff.

3) I live in MOTHER@&%@!ING GOD D$#@ %$##%$^! *&*&^! PIECE of ^%$# GOAT $## (*&^%%*&^$$ (*&^%%%*^$#@! ROLLA F^%$ING, MISSOURI so F%$# OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is to that, which makes me appear insane, that I owe my sanity.

Just to be abundantly clear: this post is NOT directed towards anyone in particular, so don't anyone get that fu#$ing idea!

Correction! - Chief M.L.Z.V. Columninst Jake

I have just recieved word from a reliable source that our Jake in space was attacked by a "Millenium Chicken," not a "Chicken-Headed Death Star Drone" as mentioned before. For more information, cosult DGAOY.

And....Liftoff!!!!!!!!

These pictures were just picked up off of the wire by M.L.Z.V. Apparently, Jake has just successfully launched a Jake-Bot to battle the Chicken-Headed Death Star Drone that mercilessly attacked an un-suspecting Jake as mentioned in the story below. More to come from the battle-front........

M.L.Z.V. Exclusive!! The Gig the Sayers Don't Want You to Know About!!!

Must See.......This is a pic from one of the gigs The Sayers don't want you to know about. Tony would get so pissed when Dieter would do his flute solo and Josh, Jack, and Nate would do their interpretive dance. Personally it was one of my favorite gigs we ever played.

MISSING!

Yet another young female goes missing from the hillside! For the eleventh time this month, the hillside is seized by terror as another one of it's young disappears. The hillside authorities do suspect foul play. As no bodies have been found, the residents of the hillside hold on to hope that their young ones will still be found alive and well. M.L.Z.V. on the other hand, has their own opinion on this matter.



In a totally unrelated story, one of our Jakes on the scene covering the story was attacked and strangled to death by a large snake. Horrible, simply horrible.

"Hair is Weird" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

I was trimming my beard and realized......wow. My body uses a lot of energy producing hair.

If I had no hair, would I save money on food?

Would I be as strong as the incredible hulk?

Why can't all bald men run really fast?

Could hair be burned as fuel?

Am I retarded?

"Where's Beaman?" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

I was thinkin' how I haven't seen ol' Beaman in a while. From what I hear, he's quite busy. Where is he? So, at the risk of having ninja asassins sent to rolla to 'off' me, I have decided to start a game. Anyone can play. It's like where's waldo, but more fun and less challenging (dude, waldo is a sneaky little bastard). I hope you all think this is as funny as I do.

An Afront to Mankind!

I'll have you all know that recently, a person I considered a friend of mine sent a killer chicken-headed deathstar drone to attack me while I was minding my own business enjoying my usual fried chicken dinner in the outer reaches of the universe. I'll also have you know that this will soon be dealt with.

Don't worry Jake! Jake is sending a backup Jake!

Just to make clear the severity of the attack I have included an image just received from the front lines of the battle.

Wow

I have a blog. A real blog. Homework time.