Actors Severely Beaten!

"He mercilessly chuck-norissed those poor actors at the park." said one witness when referring to the recent severe beatings of three of actors today at the Muny Amphitheater in forest park. The actors were performing "From Whence Thine Brook Doth Flow," a play by the obscure renaissance playwright Bartholomew Tottington. Shortly after the play began, the guitar wielding maniac ran up on stage and started to attack all three actors on stage screaming things like "You suck, now you pay!" and "I Karatony and this Guitarate!" The suspect quickly fled the scene after the beatings and has not been found. Two of the victims are in critical condition, while the third is in serious condition and continuously murmuring "Guitarate! NO! Guitarate!" Our prayers are with the victims.